Tuesday, October 16, 2012

CA$ANOVA RODRIGUEZ


  From the best player in baseball to the most romantic man on the bench..and it all happened quicker than a fastball from Justin Verlander.
   
Clearly "fired" his hair stylist
 The life and career of “Casanova” or  Alex Rodriguez these days is about as ridiculous as the hairdo Donald Trump sports or ARod’s salary…..$30 MILLION….I’LL REPEAT THAT…$30 MILLION.  Making him the most expensive cheerleader in sports (ahead of LeBron).
   
  Another injury riddled season where “The guy Raul Ibanez pinch hits for”, played in 122 games…hit .272 with 18 home runs and a WHOPPING 57 RBIs.  Then a postseason where his manager has pinch hit for and benched him while “The Captain” Derek Jeter breaks his ankle fielding a groundball.

  So, there’s no way things could actually get worse for ARod…right? Not if the New York Post has anything to say or print about it.

  The Post reported that Rodriguez was openly flirting with two blonde female fans sitting near the New York dugout during Game 1 of the American League Championship Series at Yankee Stadium last Saturday night…you know the game Jeter got hurt.

  Should he fear his teammates? Fans?  Not more than his current girlfriend and former World Wrestling Entertainment performer Torrie Wilson.

Dump the cheerleader and call me :)
  Now I didn’t see the “two blonde female fans” but I have seen Torrie Wilson…

This should answer any questions as to why Rodriguez can no longer hit.

Steroids? Maybe…

Loss of Interest? Possibly..

It’s HIS EYESIGHT! He is clearly blind!

 Everyone says, “When you turn 40 it all goes to hell.”….Unless you’re Hugh Hefner..

Taking it in from THE BENCH

   At 37 ARod has lost or is quickly losing his ability to see. Instead of booing and patronizing the expensive cheerleader. We should rally behind him and chip in for a pair of bifocals…you know since he can’t afford a pair or an eye examine. Have you seen health care costs in this country? Because ARod hasn’t. ….or anything since August for that matter.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are exclusively those of this author and do not represent the thoughts or opinions nor are they condoned by anyone employed by or associated with KAGS or any of its affiliates.     

Monday, September 17, 2012

Victory Formation is for Losers

 “You play to win the game..” Herm Edwards said it for a reason…because without him there’s no “Miracle at the Meadowlands.” The November 19, 1978 game where Herm’s Eagles trailed the New York Giants 17-12 with seconds left on the clock..Giants ball.
Run Herm Run!!
  The GMen plan to run out the clock by TAKING A KNEE….or RUNNING THE BALL…Usually it’s one or the other…not BOTH…Giants QB, Joe Pisarcik didn’t realize that...thought about taking a knee and tried handing the ball to FB, Larry Csonka…who fumbled…Edwards picked it up..ran it 26 yards for the winning score…19-17 Eagles..

   Almost 34 years later…Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. New York Giants..”Miracle at Metlife”? Almost…At least that’s what Bucs head coach, Greg Schiano was hoping for when his team choked away a 34-16, 4th quarter lead…a 25 point Giants 4th made it, 41-34 Giants.
  
   With seconds left, the Giants holding the football…Tom Coughlin tells QB, “Elite” Eli   Manning to take a knee and end the game. Schiano tells his squad to bull rush and force a fumble…
To rush or not to rush?
  The Bucs dive at the ball...Manning and the line fall to the turf, but he holds on. Game ends. 

  Instead of a post game handshake at midfield…Tom Coughlin berates rookie head coach, Schiano for sending the defense on Manning. Which begs the question…WHY?

  Maybe he can’t do math…doubtful though...41-34..meaning it was a 7 point or one  possession game…the Bucs could still force overtime..

  Maybe he can’t tell time…Coughlin IS notorious for his “Coughlin time” ie: If a meeting is scheduled for 10am it starts at 9:45am Coughlin time…So maybe he figured the game was actually over...more plausible..still doubtful.
 
  Maybe he figured taking a knee means your team is in “Victory Formation” so game over..nobody blitz..unwritten rule…This is the most likely and most UNACCEPTABLE explanation…There’s a reason the rule is unwritten…not because no one had a pen, or they ran out of space in the rule book……”Just put it on the back page.” “We can’t…we’re all out of room..can’t spare it..” This train of thought is worse than the replacement referees…and they’re abysmal. If it was a two possession game..no reason to rush the quarterback unless Pete Rose is concerned about the point spread.
NOTE to offense..when you see the defense in a three point stance ready to blitz..you may want to block…
((USC TROJANS READ THAT LAST LINE 3 MORE TIMES))

  On the same day….the Arizona Cardinals had dominated the New England Patriots on the road….and with a minute left tried to run out the clock. Instead they fumble..and New England goes down the field and miss a game winning field goal..20-18. Point being, it happens.
 
  This was not classless..this wasn’t “not taking it like a man” the game lasts 60 minutes….HELLO

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are exclusively those of this author and do not represent the thoughts or opinions nor are they condoned by anyone employed by or associated with KAGS or any of its affiliates. 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

What to Expect NFL 2012


Brandon Weeden...he just looks confused..
Now that Week 1 of the NFL season is the opposite of a pass from Cleveland Browns Rookie QB, Brandon Weeden…complete (12 for 35 4 Ints on Sunday vs. Eagles) it’s time to take a look at what we can expect for the 2012 football season.

16 teams are on pace to go 16-0 this season (watch out 72’ Miami Dolphins and post Spygate Patriots!)

16 teams are on pace to go 0-16 this season (make room 2008 Detroit Lions)

Eli Manning IS NOT an elite quarterback on Wednesday nights

Tony Romo IS an elite quarterback on Wednesday nights

Jerry Jones’ glasses can never be too clean

Redskins QB, Robert Griffin III, is the best quarterback with a roman numeral in NFL history  

The Oakland Raiders are the best football team playing home games on a baseball field….(only 1 as well)

Someone should let Colts QB, Andrew Luck know that the Colts already won the “Suck for Luck” campaign…(Bears 41 Colts 21)

The San Diego Chargers are the best professional sports team in San Diego…whatever that means.

A healthy looking throw, beating the Dog Pound
Philadelphia Eagles QB, Michael Vick, is actually capable of playing an entire NFL game without getting injured..(however, he prefers not to)

The St.  Louis Rams will always be the 2nd best team on the field…

Patriots QB, Tom Brady is the toughest metrosexual  his teammate, Wes Welker, has ever met…(according to tmz.com)

Tennessee Titans RB, Chris Johnson, must be resting up for his race with Olympian sprinter , Usain Bolt…( 11 carries..4 yards in Week 1 vs. Pats)

Kansas City Chiefs fans only have to endure 7 more home games this season…!

The Atlanta Falcons offense understands how to score touchdowns..it would just prefer not to in the playoffs (2011 Playoffs Giants 24 Falcons 2)

The Minnesota Vikings are bad…but the Jacksonville Jaguars are WORSE (Vikings 26 Jaguars 23 F/OT)

The New York Jets may not be the best team in the NFL…but they’re the most entertaining circus in the country…so take that Cirque Du Soleil
Who doesn't love the circus?

Tim Tebow is a below average QB, FB, WR, and punt protector…but Skip Bayless will always love him! XOXO

A tip for Dolphins rookie QB, Ryan Tannehill, the best passes are the ones that AREN’T tipped….(3 ints vs. Texans)

Texans RB, Arian Foster isn’t great with names…

Not only will 49ers head coach, Jim Harbaugh, abuse you after the game…the defense will during the game as well…(just ask the Packers)

The New Orleans Saints defense DOES NOT have bounties on players...just look at what they let the Redskins do to them..(40 points..in a loss)

Green Bay Packers QB, Aaron Rodgers may have spent some time with Brett Favre this off season (1int vs. 49ers)

Cut That Meat!!!!
Peyton Manning  still knows how to bark audibles at the line of scrimmage…so that means he’s back…your move Tom Brady..


Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are exclusively those of this author and do not represent the thoughts or opinions nor are they condoned by anyone employed by or associated with KAGS or any of its affiliates.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Caught Cheating....Allegedly


   Who would have thought that with every Bay Area gym membership, comes a 50 game suspension from Major League Baseball?
He just looks like he has elevated testosterone levels...
   One week after San Francisco Giants, left fielder, Melky Cabrera was suspended 50 games for testing positive for increased levels of testosterone…Oakland Athletics pitcher, Bartolo Colon met the same fate.
   Those familiar with Colon’s work probably asked the obvious questions…”Did he use steroids as one of his free pizza toppings he was entitled with his Domino’s gift card?" OR "Did he eat Melky?”
Criminal Mastermind?
   The “Melk Man” hasn’t been seen or heard from since his spot on impression of a former Giants outfielder…allegedly…There was the news that Melky tried creating a FAKE steroid website based out of the Dominican Republic that sells “tainted supplements.”
Said Former Giants Outfielder....
   
  Roger Clemens beating the government at 50 years old, and then trying a comeback to Major League Baseball to beat the Pittsburgh Pirates this season…that’s predictable….Melky Cabrera a baseball player by day, and a computer programming evil genius by night…that’s crazier than a night of partying with Prince Harry (see TMZ).  
The ladies must love the hat....
   Unfortunately the news of this year’s All Star Game MVP, and one of the A’s top starters testing positive for elevated levels of testosterone shouldn’t be a surprise. The cheaters and chemists are still one step ahead of testers. Sure…former Miami Dolphins wide receiver, Chad Johnson, isn’t smart enough to say, “no thanks” when asked if he’d like a receipt for those condoms he just bought…(leading to a domestic dispute…divorce..and release from the Dolphins) but drug testing is supposed to be more scientific…right?
Throwing into triple coverage since 1864...
   Wrong. Until leagues start blood testing and create harsher penalties for first time offenders, steroid suspensions will remain as common as a Brett Favre un-retirement rumor…..

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are exclusively those of this author and do not represent the thoughts or opinions nor are they condoned by anyone employed by or associated with KAGS or any of its affiliates.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Pig Headed...Out the Door


Bobby Petrino before..
   Given the last two weeks of his life…former Arkansas head football coach, Bobby Petrino, can’t be too concerned it’s Friday the 13th. While some people will spend the day avoiding black cats, ladders, mirrors, and Fidel Castro (see Ozzie Guillen)….Petrino may just shatter a few bathroom mirrors to reverse his luck.
   But, if you think Petrino’s string of bad luck started with a motorcycle crash on April 1st.....you’d be an April Fool. The cause of the wreck is still being investigated…but I have a hunch karma had something to do with it. (see Atlanta Falcons 2007 departure, and trying to snake his close friend out of a job at Auburn in 2003…while working at Louisville)
   For those that missed the story because they had to see, The Hunger Games, for a 12th time…I’ll catch you up.
  The head hog..(Petrino) wrecked his motorcycle (also a hog) on April 1st.  The 51 year old, was driving his Harley-Davidson motorcycle on a two-lane road about 20 miles southeast of Fayetteville when he lost control, slid through a ditch and struck tree limbs and a pile of dirt.
   Like fellow scholar, Ben Roethlisberger, Petrino was not wearing a helmet.. He suffered four broken ribs and a cracked vertebra. He told Jeff Long, the Arkansas athletic director, that he was alone at the time of the accident.
    Ok…bike is wrecked….and he looks like Freddy Krueger…but with a coaching record like Bear Bryant the whole thing could make him more legendary in Fayetteville.   
Bobby Petrino after....
    But, a few days later…shortly before the police report was made public, Petrino told Jeff Long, the Arkansas Athletic Director he had been driving a passenger, the former Arkansas volleyball player Jessica Dorrell. Dorrell, 25, was recently hired by Petrino as the program’s student-athlete development coordinator.
   That night Petrino, who is married with four children and two grandchildren, acknowledged an “inappropriate relationship” with Dorrell, and was put on paid administrative leave pending review of the circumstances surrounding the crash.
  And like Petrino’s character…the circumstances were also AWFUL.
Booty call #1..we think..
  Long revealed that Petrino had violated university policy when he hired Dorrell over 159 other applicants without clarifying that the two of them were connected. Worse, Long also discovered that Petrino had given Dorrell $20,000 in cash….Arkansas is a public university, so the Razorbacks could face legal problems over the hiring as well.
   So, that’s the worst of it right? Wrong. The 51 year old playboy thought the best way to communicate with his side piece was with his WORK PHONE…..
HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING FROM TIGER WOODS? Use  pay phones…morse code..owl messenger..but not a track able phone. 

  And this guy is supposed to outsmart Nick Saban and Les Miles…ok it’s still probably a push with Miles..

She seems to have great taste...or daddy issues...
  Dorrell had been engaged to another Arkansas employee, but phone records show she and Petrino had been in contact as far back as September 12.
  Records also show over a seven-month period, Petrino and Dorrell exchanged more than 4,300 text messages and almost 300 phone calls, including during the time the police report of the accident on April 5 was being released to the public. 

Petrino exchanged 57 texts with Dorrell on Sept. 12, 2011

Petrino exchanged 91 texts the following day with Dorrell on Sept. 13, 2011

Petrino exchanged 70 texts with Dorrell on Sept. 17, 2011, the day Arkansas beat Troy
 
The two exchanged 73 texts on Oct. 17, 2011

Petrino called Dorrell at 5:52 a.m., 6:35 a.m., 5:49 a.m. and 7:55 a.m., four days in a row in the week before a loss to Alabama on Sept. 24, 2011

The two exchanged 84 texts on Oct. 28, 2011, the day before Arkansas played Vanderbilt

The two exchanged 26 texts on Nov. 19, 2011, the day Arkansas beat Mississippi State

The two exchanged four texts on Nov. 25, 2011 after the Arkansas lost to LSU

Dorrell sent Petrino a text message during Arkansas' Cotton Bowl win over Kansas State on Jan. 6, though Petrino didn't reply until the following day

The two in action....
 The two talked 11 times on April 5, the day the police report was being released, including two two-minute phone calls around 3:30 p.m.

14 year old girls think that’s obsessive texting…

Two observations..

1.)   The University has an AMAZING cell phone plan

2.)   Can you imagine what Arkansas would have been capable of if the guy was more worried about the pigskin….and not just getting some SKIN..?

So, Long made the right choice and fired Petrino earlier this week.  The decision means, Petrino will never utter the phrase pig sooie in Fayetteville after the school turned him into chop sooie. But, history indicates he will always be a pig…Friday the 13th or not.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are exclusively those of this author and do not represent the thoughts or opinions nor are they condoned by anyone employed by or associated with KAGS or any of its affiliates.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Every MANning


I’m not big on pop quizzes, but quick…what do former Colts quarterback and 9% of Americans have in common? 
  
 An annoying little brother? No.. A number of hilarious commercials and Saturday Night Live Appearances…hardly…Like 9 % of Americans..Peyton is unemployed….After all you can’t spell unEmPlOYmENT without PEYTON..
Not going to see this EVER AGAIN...
   We’ve all been there…working 14 years at the same job…Doing everything your boss asks and more. Then you strain your neck refilling the water cooler. You can’t work, you can barely move. So, you miss some time…and while you’re gone, two younger guys, who do your job (better than you according to some people) are at your office, interviewing for your position. So, what do you do? The sensible thing of course…Gingerly march (don’t forget the neck injury) into the bosses office and ask him for a $28 million bonus…and he has the nerve to fire you.
The new guys...

Can you believe that guy!?

 Now you’re forced to stand in front of the office, with your boss…and tell coworkers how much you loved working with them and will miss them. Then you start to cry…because Johnson from accounting is taking your corner office, and Smith has your parking spot...

  While Peyton Manning’s goodbye to the Colts seemed extremely heartfelt and emotional, let me remind the world…He did not die…The musical montages of his Colts career highlights are unnecessary and excessive.  And I’m sure the Production Assistant who put it together and hasn’t slept in four days looking for every” iso”, or “back endzone angle” feels the same way.
FIBBER.!!!!

Sure, an NFL Legend will dawn new threads, if he doesn’t retire, and he says he won’t. But legendary QB’s have been known to fib about retirement….

  Unlike John Elway, Jim Kelly, Dan  Marino, and Steve Young…Peyton will sign with a new team as a free agent.  And Peyton is known as a guy who loves to watch film and prepare.  But, he’s said free agency is all new to him…But here’s to hoping he doesn’t watch any film from, “The Decision”.
Just Because....

  And maybe…just maybe…if we’re lucky…the Broncos will sign him, and he can put an end to TebowMania…for now.

  But, if we never see Peyton again…he can always get a career…at a deli....”CUTTING THAT MEAT.”   

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are exclusively those of this author and do not represent the thoughts or opinions nor are they condoned by anyone employed by or associated with KAGS or any of its affiliates.
Take your pick...