The Big Faker

   With NBA players locked out, the month of July is unusually slow as far as NBA news goes. Gone are the days of trade rumors, free agent signings and “Decisions”. In Los Angeles things are more quiet than normal,  some might even call them silent…(Minus that whole Carmageddon nonsense..) This being the first off season in three years the home team (Lakers NOT Clippers) failed to at least make the NBA Finals. Sure, Angelinos can spend their days on Rodeo Drive star gazing…But why compete with TMZ photogs for parking and a glance at C list celebrities, when you can see a HUGE star at your local market?

   And by HUGE star, I mean Andrew Bynum, and by local I mean Playa Del Ray…and good luck finding parking…at least if Bynum has anything to say about it.

Courtesy of NBC 4..Bynum grocery shopping

   You see, NBC 4 recently obtained photos that show Bynum’s black BMW double parked across two handicap spots at a Playa Del Ray market. NBC 4 confronted Bynum and he reportedly slammed the door and drove off. (The fastest he’s moved in years.)
   This wouldn’t be a problem if it were anytime between October and June…Because anyone that follows the Lakers knows Bynum is handicapped during some OR ALL of those months. (He has spent much of his six-year NBA career in a wheelchair or on crutches due to his numerous knee injuries.) Worse than the fact Bynum doesn’t know HOW or WHERE to park…this isn’t the first time the Lakers Center (for now) was seen parking in handicapped spaces. (A $353 ticket)
   The LA Times' T.J. Simers received an e-mailed photo in May from a reader catching Bynum in the act of parking across a white-and-blue painted handicapped space in front of a blue handicapped sign outside a Bank of America in Playa del Rey.
   This raises a few serious questions….Does the 23-year-old really think he’s handicapped? If so, why has he spent his career trying to cripple NBA players..thus increasing the handicapped population and make finding a handicapped spot more difficult? (ie. J.J. Barea) It’s funny I never heard this story when the Lakers were WINNING.(Charlie Sheen voice) If you’re the Lakers front office, how do you feel that your center thinks he’s handicapped? I bet Dwight Howard doesn’t park in handicapped spots....
   Assuming Bynum parks in handicapped spots out of convenience…Is this guy really worth $15 million if he’s too lazy to park with the “common folk” and walk a few extra steps to his destination? Partying at the Playboy Mansion two years ago while rehabbing his knee during a Lakers’ road trip was bad. His behavior in Game 4 of the Western Conference Semi Finals against the Dallas Mavericks was appalling. But, parking in handicapped spots, while unacceptable, is just who he is….
   Instead of making his predictable forced apology, wouldn’t this be more fun?


Tracy Morgan (left) & Andrew Bynum (right)



“Look, I park in handicapped spots because I drive a nice car…I don’t want some idiot to dent my BMW. I’m seven feet tall, so do you really have a problem!? It’s not my fault. And anyway, who would you rather have at center…Gasol? Do you know how much money I’m worth? I mean Kobe doesn’t care where I park; as long as I don’t talk when he’s talking everything is cool…Phil used to park in handicap spots all the time and nobody cared. Is this because I look like Tracy Morgan?”

Sadly, I don’t see that happening. Maybe we can put an end to all of this by

A.) The Lakers trade him for Dwight Howard or anyone else (preferred choice)

B.) The DMV expands handicap parking to, expectant mothers, those that ARE handicap, AND people that think they are too important to FOLLOW THE LAW.

There problem solved, you’re welcome Los Angeles!